Jeff King’s Blog

I heard an interesting sermon yesterday titled, “You Can’t Do it All.” The statement flies in the face of what we our culture tells us.

            We pass it onto our kids, telling them they can do anything they want to do. We back it up by not saying “no” to the constant demands and activities that come their way. We feel guilty even contemplating saying no, fearful that we’ll deprive them of an entitlement.

            Before we know it, our schedules are maxed. School events, sports, gymnastics, music lessons, sports, scouts, 4-H, sports, Tie-Kwan-Do, dance, sports . . . You get the picture.

            We adults aren’t much better. We pile on our own activities on top of dual income marriages, plus the kids’ schedules.

We find ourselves running back and forth to meet the latest deadline. What promises to generate quality family activity becomes a source of exhaustion and resentment.

The pastor stated that we Christians are just as guilty as anyone else. Perhaps we struggle even more. We can add an endless list of church activities to the above.

We tend to equate busy-ness with godliness. How many times when asked how we’re doing, we automatically respond, “I’m busy.” We say it in a way that implies that this is a desirable trait. “I’m busy, so God (and you) should be impressed.”

The pastor went on to say that such busy-ness misses the essence of Christianity. In our satiated schedules, God is often the first to be squeezed out. What do we do with the verse, “Be still and know that I am God?”

Many of us get sucked into this quagmire because we feel pressured. It’s expected of us. Unfortunately we fail to realize we have the right to question the expectation, the assumption, that we’re supposed it all.

As I listened to the sermon, some such questions came to mind:

Are we doing what is expected, or what is good?

Are we doing what is expected, or what is healthy?

Are we doing what is expected, or what is effective?

Are we doing what is expected, or what is important?

Are we doing what is expected, or what is valuable?

Are we doing what is expected, or what is right?

Give yourself permission to question. Give yourself the permission to not do it all (because, in reality, we can’t do it all).

You and your family will thank you for it.

The past election process was an interesting to observe. Outside the history-making results, it was intriguing to observe the process of the candidates declaring their positions.

            Much of what I observed between candidates would be best categorized as monologue. One candidate would talk at the other. They seldom exchanged ideas and engaged in each other’s philosophical processes. There was little true debate where one candidate seriously considered the other’s view.

            Truth be told, many couples do the same in their relationships. They take turns talking at each other, rather than with each other. Their predominant interaction style would be better labeled monologue rather than dialogue.

            Why is this? One reason is that monologue is much safer. If I talk at you, then I don’t have to risk hearing your position. As a result, I won’t run the risk of being influenced by you. I can keep a grip on my demand to be right, and thereby make you wrong.

            This posture doesn’t work very well, of course, for relationship building. It minimizes the other partner. It’s disrespectful, arrogant and frustrating. But that doesn’t stop some from persisting with it.

            When partners engage in power struggles, it’s often assumed that one’s partner wants to totally dominate and control the other. While that may be true in some cases, most of the time a partner doesn’t want to have total control.

Instead, they want to know they have influence—that their partner is giving them the respect to hear them out and to seriously consider their position. They want to know that their opinion matters to their partner.

This can only happen when partners engage in dialogue with each other.